Morning Glory

Morning

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Credit: The painting is by the renowned Belarussian artist Leonid Afremov . Source (redbubble.com/)

It’s All Engineered

magic_wand

Two friends – one was a Doctor and the other an Engineer – entered a confectionery store.

Upon seeing that the people in the store were busy, the Doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, Doctor said to Engineer: “Man I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates
and no one saw me, you can’t beat that”

Engineer replied: “You wanna see something better? Let’s go back to the store and I’ll show you real stealing”

So they went to the counter And Engineer said to the Shopkeeper: “Do you wanna see magic?”

Shopkeeper replied: “Okay!”

Engineer said: “Give me one chocolate bar.”

The shopkeeper gave him one, and he ate it.

He asked for the second, and he ate that as well.

He asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shopkeeper asked: “But where’s the magic?”

Engineer replied: “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find them.”

End
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Credits: funnyfunnyjokes.org and openclipart

To Start At The Beginning…

Margaret Webb 08-29-2010 clker dot com

The Major had sent Faulkner to a workshop to hone up his skills in communication. A sure technique to keep the audience engaged until the end, Faulkner learnt, was to start at the beginning and build the tempo up in his story with no spoilers until the final denouement.

Weeks later:

Faulkner sat across from the Major, listening to the radio chatter. They were being informed, in real time, of the progress of Operation Flyswatter, the hunting down of rogue Special Forces officer Mike Kelley.

Faulkner began reading Kelley’s file to the Major for him to direct the sergeant out there in the field chasing down Kelly. The Major believed in using all available information effectively to make informed and intelligent decisions.

“Kelley, Michael. Age: 40. Height: 5′ 10.””

A voice spoke on the radio. It was the voice of the sergeant leading the platoon assigned for the operation:

“We’ve got Kelley in our sights, Major,” he said. “Visibility conditions extremely poor…switching to night vision.”

Faulkner continued reading Kelley’s file.

“Distinguishing characteristics: wears eyeglasses due to severe myopia.”

“Good,” the Major said. “Our boys should have him in a cinch.”

Sharp noises sounded from the radio.

“He’s firing…Our snipers are down, our snipers are down!” the sergeant yelled, his voice distorting.

“What in hell is going on over there?!” the Major asked.

There was no reply.

Faulkner read the next paragraph of Kelley’s file.

“LASIK surgery, five years ago. Outcome successful. Marksman training, three years. It seems he’s a crack shot, sir.”

The Major looked up slowly from the radio receiver.

“Thank you for keeping us up to speed, Faulkner.”

…May Not Always Be A Great Idea

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Credits: Adapted from shortstories101.com (Alexis Kypridemos) and clker.com (Margaret Webb 08-29-2010)

Getting Rich Was Never So Easy In The Land Of Opportunities

free clipart net Handshake
An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked,

“Is it true when a person falls down on a sidewalk in your country, a lawyer for a fat fee could sue the landowners for money for his client?”

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian.

When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

“No, no,” one replied. “We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks.”

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Credits: Mikey’s Funnies and openclipart

Don’t Mess With Your Mother

enhanced-22223-1391791860-2 BuzzFeed
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Credits: buzzfeed.com

It Dosn’t Pay To Mess With Your Doctor

MoSelf_Doctor

A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one of her co-workers to recommend a physician.

“I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that.”

The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced.

“I’m back!”

The doctor quickly examined her and said,

“Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.”

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Credits: arcamax.com, openclipart (MoSelf_Doctor)

Would You Do It Differently?

people-150

The farmer whittled the stick as the tourist approached him.

‘How long to get to the nearest town, Mister?’ came the nasal enquiry from the rich tourist.

The farmer continued to whittle and started to whistle too.

‘I said how long to get to the nearest town?’

No reply. Just whistle and whittle.

‘Gee, man, I’ve been a walkin’ all day.

Couldn’t you just tell me how…aw heck, what’s the use,’ and the tourist walked away from the farmer in disgust.

He had gone about a hundred yards when the farmer called him back.

Exasperated, the tourist returned.

‘It will take you about an hour,’ said the farmer.

‘Gee, thanks. But why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?’

‘Had to see how fast you could walk first,’ said the farmer.

End
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Credits: jokefortoday.wordpress.com (Harry Mullan) and openclipart

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