What Are Men, BF, Husbands Like!

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A cyclone hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning.

It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping.  By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over.

The wife was sobbing uncontrollably.  “Don’t be scared, Mary,” her husband said.  “We’re not hurt.”

Mary continued to cry.  “I’m not scared,” she said between sobs.  “I’m happy…  this is the first time in 14 years we’ve been out together.”

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Wife leaves a note on the fridge: “I have made all attempts. It’s not working. 
I can’t take it anymore. I am going to stay at my Mom’s place!!  😡 😥

Husband opens the fridge, checks the beer bottle. Feels it is cold. He takes a few big gulps from the bottle. Feels it is chilled.

Then says to himself, “What the hell is she talking about??? Fridge is working fine!!”

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Source: 100% சிரிப்பு இலவசம் , Santabanta.com, Quora, Usha Narayanan and rays-daily.com/

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Wives And GF’s, Laugh It Off, Please…

Well, don’t want to push my luck too far:-)

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Source: Fatimah Abd Wahid‎ and Sheeba Azam in Best English Quotes & Sayings, All India Jokes , santabanta.com…

Until Death Parted Us?? A Horror Story (600+ Words)

She was reported missing by her husband a week ago.

The police machinery set in motion had no concrete information yet.

The husband was also questioned on rumors of marital discord.

That’s where it stalled.

He was sure there was some foul play in his sister’s disappearance. Asking around, he got nothing to go by. Yes, there were the usual domestic squabbles from time to time heard by the neighbors. But that was about all.

His friend took him to consult a baba known to have powers of vision.

The baba heard them out and said: ‘Unfortunately, I’ve expended all my tantric/yogis power. Not until the next full-moon day that is about three weeks away from now…’

Pressed by the friend to do something here and now, the baba went into a trance, promising to do his best.

Coming out of trance some ten minutes later, the baba was panting for breath and profusely sweating. The two visitors felt guilty of putting the baba to trouble and stood aside nervously heads down. The baba called them near and said: ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t muster enough power to have a clear vision…I had warned you…All I could hazily see was a patch in front of a rose bush in what appeared to be a backyard of a house.’

He understood – the spot in front of the rose bush in the backyard of her house was his sister’s favorite place. Often she would sit there, read books, play with her dog or simply lie down looking at the sky.

He went to the police and raised a ruckus over their inaction so far. With great apprehension and reluctance, more to appease him and buy more time, they agreed to act on the baba’s input, quite at the risk of exposing themselves to ridicule for taking a mere baba’s word seriously.

It wasn’t easy either to get their way with the husband. Despite his protestations, finally they managed to dig up the patch on the yard where the soil did look disturbed.  

At two feet of depth they struck pay-dirt.

All hands went up to their noses as the overpowering stench of decaying flesh bubbled up.

In there was a dog’s body, its upper torso revealed clear off the soil. It was his sister’s, marked by the distinctive strap around the neck.

She had loved the dog like her own child – they had none of their own.

The husband was ready for it – he explained: after his wife went missing, the dog was inconsolable try hard as he might. Went without food or water. He even took it to a vet – they could check it out, his medication to no avail. It would go and lie down on the patch and not move in even in the cold nights. Two days ago it was found dead in the morning. The poor thing was buried at its favorite spot. That’s how it came to be where it was found.

He looked dazed, sat down on the ground disheartened hands on his head. It was back to square one. No doubt the baba had ‘seen’ – but it was not good enough. Now what next…

The police officer in-charge shook his head in dismay and, cursing himself under his breath, ordered the men to refill the hole on the ground, his mind racing to find a way to mollify the irate husband.

Thump…thump…It stopped as soon as it began. Commotion ensued at the hole, men inured to seeing the ghastly and gore clambering out of the hole like they were fleeing death.  Brought the officer rushing back to the scene.

Trying vainly to block the stench, the officer peered down the hole to see the dog’s body head to toe now fully cleared off the soil, his attention drawn to the lower torso where it was held in a close hug by a badly decomposed hand coming up from under.

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Source: Inspired by an Indian movie episode narrated to me long ago. Can’t recall which, who… Image from Masterfile

Update: M tells me the movie is Kamal Haasan’s Papanasam. Apparently the story takes a different route with no paranormal elements – only the dog remains the common piece.

Wives And GF’s, Just Kidding:-)

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Vide Elango Velur Thiruturaipoondi Tiruvarur‎ to “சிரிக்க, சிந்திக்க”

The couple returned home late one evening, the husband lugging heavy shopping bags.   

At the gate, the sympathetic wife offered: ‘Give me the key…I’ll open the gate…you shine the light on the lock.’

The husband put the bags down and obliged.

Trying hard as she might, still the lock did not budge.

After a brief struggle the wife budged: ‘You open the gate…I’ll hold the light for you.’

The husband took the key, inserted in the lock and tried.

‘Click’ and the gate opened easily!

 Wife: ‘This is how to hold the light, get it?’

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Wife taking her driving lessons:

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Source: bollywoodshaadis.com and Dhrruv KumarBest English Quotes & Sayings

Wives And GF’s, Laugh It Off, Please…

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Balasubramanian Bk‎Friends of TN BJP.jpg

 

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Wives, Laugh It Off, Please…

Here’s a picture-puzzle for you.Sorry, no clues.

Wife Rat

 

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Source: internet

What Are Husbands Like?

A must-read before you say ‘I do’:

selectkitchens.com.au man_cooking

This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air-conditioned house all day while she did all the work: “I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself.”

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?”

“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”

 

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Source: santabanta.com and image from selectkitchens.com.au