Chutkule

Restaurant Scene

This may work for you too in a crowded restaurant:

कल मैं होटल में नाश्ता करने गया तो देखा कि सभी सीट कपल पर बैठे थे! बैठने के लिए जगह ही नही थीं! मैंने जेब से फोन निकाला और जोर से बोला,
“तेरी गर्लफ्रेंड यहाँ दूसरे के साथ बैठी है, तू जल्दी आ!”
5 लड़कियां गायब हो गयी!

When I went to the restaurant yesterday, all seats were taken by couples.

I called up (not really) my friend asking him rather audibly to come down: ‘You better hurry up, I see your girl friend is here with someone else.’

Before I ‘disconnected’, five seats fell vacant!

*

याद रखिये,
अगर कोई सुन्दर युवती बिल्कुल बिंदास होकर आपकी बगल वाली सीट पर आकर बैठ जाए,
तो समझ जाईये कि अब आप युवा नहीं रहे।

Remember this:

If a beautiful girl opts for the seat next to you, may it be understood (she considered it safe for her and) you’re no longer…

*

साला भलाई का ज़माना ही नहीं रहा।
पडोसी ने मुझसे पूछा, “आपने मेरी बीवी को देखा क्या?”
मैं बोला, “हाँ मैंने नहाते हुए देखा था।”
साले ने मेरी जमकर कुटाई कर दी।
अब उसे कौन समझाये कि नहा तो मैं रहा था, वो गली से गुज़र रही थी।

Damn, these are not days for speaking the truth.

My neighbor asked me: ‘Have you seen my wife?’

‘I said: ‘Yes, I did, when taking bath.’

Thereupon he went berserk…

before I could tell him I saw her passing by on the road while I was bathing.

*

If B + C is A, B must be A – C, right? Not always, we learn:

‘Yeh banana kaisay diya?’

‘Ek rupyah.’

’60 paise ka deta hai?’

’60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.’

‘Ley 40 paise, chilka rakh aur kela day de.’

 

‘How much is this banana?’

‘One rupee.’

‘Will you give it for 60 paise?’

‘For 60 paise, you’ll only get the skin.’

‘Okay, take these 40 paise and give me the fruit. You may keep the skin.’

*

 

End

 

Via: gopalaswamy and net; image: openclipart.org (Firkin), from a drawing in ‘Tableaux de Paris’, Emile Goudeau, 1893.

Don’t Mess With Her!

psicoactiva.com conversacion-pareja1

Man: ’25 years ago, I lived happily in a 2 bedroom flat with no A/C. The TV was black and white. No washing machine or fridge…with a beautiful 25-year-old girl.

Now…I’ve everything – a 4 bedroom flat, centrally air-conditioned, big flat-screen TV in each bedroom, 2 large fridges, 2 cars…and living with a 50-year-old woman☹’

Woman: ‘Even now nothing is lost, dear. Find a beautiful 25 year-old girl for yourself and you’ll have your happy days again, I assure you.’

End

 

Via: WhatsApp and image from psicoactiva.com

Paranting

After a rough day spent corralling my rowdy kids, I’d had enough.
“I think I’m going to sell them,” I hissed to my sister.
“You’re crazy,” she said.
“For thinking of selling them?”

The Odyssey Online

“For thinking someone would buy them.”

End

 

 

Source: AJokeADay.com (srg) and image from The Odyssey Online

Kidspeak: Don’t Push It Hard, Ye Fathers

openclipart father son jnanozero87

Father: Which one do you love more, me or Mommy?
Son: I love you both.
Father: Very Well, let’s say I went to France and Mommy went to Japan which country will you go to?
Son: Japan.
Father: See, you love Mommy more than me?
Son: No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father: Let’s say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: France.
Father: See?
Son: No, its just because I have already visited Japan.

End

 

 

 

Source: jokes-best.com and image from openclipart.org (jnanozero87)

Whenever We Get To World Politics, Economy And Cat Food…

Mid_Argument

End

 

Timeless Words

Boy playing soccer gdj

‘Hema, where is Raju? We don’t see him these days. Is all okay?’

‘He is doing fine, Vidya. It’s just that he is unable to go out to play.’

‘Why so? You said he is fine.’

‘You remember three months ago, he was lost not knowing his way back home?’

‘Yes, I do. Luckily no harm was done.‘

‘Thanks to WhatsApp. We had sent out a message with his photo. A good Samaritan had seen it and finding Raju all alone in the park he was good enough to bring the kid back.’

‘Truly, technology has its advantages. And our belief in humanity vindicated. Surely Raju now knows his way to the park and back.’

‘Yes, he does now.‘

‘So why are you not letting him go out and play with other kids?

‘That’s not it.’

‘Then?’

‘Every time he goes out, some chap getting our message and spotting Raju ‘helpfully’ brings him back here, sometimes, kicking and screaming.’

‘Uh-Oh.’

End

 

 

 

 

 

Source: WhatsApp (via Nimmi) and image from openclipart (GDJ)

 

Kids Speak: Disambiguation, Please

23-2

End

 

 

Source:dumpaday.com