Sometimes It Pays To Have Clouded Vision!

Wife in Parlor.jpg

This man was patiently waiting at the reception of a Beauty Parlor, his eyes averting the beautiful ladies swishing by.

There was this dame who slowly walked up to him and squeezed his shoulders and said seductively:

‘Come on, let’s go and have some fun.’

The man broke into copious sweat and managed to tell her:

‘I’m a married man, lady. Am here with my wife. Please go away.’

The man almost had a nervous breakdown when she pecked him on his cheeks and cooed into his ears:

‘Stupid, wipe your glasses, it’s me.’

 

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Source: santabanta.com

 

Coming Events Cast Their Shadows Long Before…

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Source: www

Ye Marr’ed Men, Learn Your Lessons From Him

romantic-dinner www.cookdays com

One night at the dinner table, a sad wife bemoaned:

 “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don’t love me anymore.”

“Nonsense, darling,” comforted the husband, “you just cook better now.”

End

Source:

MikeysFunnies.com and cookdays com

Here’s A Honest Man

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Credits: shoeboxblog.com

There’s A Sucker Dead Every Minute

joke7 FOTM

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Credits: Again, fellowshipoftheminds.com

And Then The Fight Started

Fight

Santa ran into an unusually heads-down Banta and asked him what was wrong.

“Well,” said Banta, “I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask, you know. And now I’m in deep trouble at home.”

“What kind of a question was that?” asked Santa.

“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly.”

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“Come on, that’s an easyone you can’t go wrong,” said Santa. “You just say ‘Of course I will.'”

“Yeah,” said Banta, “That’s exactly what I did, only it came out as’I do…'”

End

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Credit: santabanta.com, openclipart (wakro) and gif (source unknown)

A Strange Affliction In Moments Of Intimacy

MoSelf_Doctor
Caution: Adult content and graphic images

The nurse helped Mr. Wilson wobble his way to the patient’s seat, his cane safely set by his side.
He waited for the nurse to step out closing the door behind her.

‘Doctor, I don’t know how to tell you this…’

‘Yes,’ encouraged the kind-faced doctor.

‘It’s like this. Some days ago, we were seeing this afternoon movie on the TV. I got carried away, took missus in my arms and…kissed her.’

‘Perfectly natural for a happy couple, I would say.’

‘It is not that, Doctor. ‘

‘What then?’

‘When we pulled away, I was shivering like I was in Arctic. Something never happened before…I forgot all about it until it happened again.’

The doctor bade him with his eyes to elaborate.

‘Some days ago – can’t quite recall exactly how it happened – I kissed her again. And this time I broke into streaming sweat. Didn’t look ok at all to me. That’s when I said I must bring this up to you.’

‘You did the right thing, Mr. Wilson,’ the generous doctor giving credit where it’s due.

After a pause, it struck him the ball was now lobbed onto his court and it was his turn. The honest doctor seemed to rake his brains for a while before candidly admitting:

‘Strange, very strange. Never had a case like this before in my living memory.’

He again went back to exercising his brain cells desperately with Mr. Wilson looking intently at him like he wanted to catch a hen in the act of laying an egg.

Minutes slipped by. Finally the doctor conceded defeat:

‘I say this again – it’s dashed strange. Need a bit of time to check out the documented history of medical cases and also with some of my peers. Do call on me in a couple of days – I’ll have something definite for you.’

So it happened a couple of days later, Mr. Wilson returned, this time accompanied by his wife – a woman by appearance given to taking charge of any scene she was in.

It was plain from the doctor’s demeanor he was not successful in his efforts so far. In a last-ditch attempt to keep the show going, he retraced the highlights of the case as he had heard from Mr. Wilson and asked the wife what she thought of it.

Mr. Wilson was stirred: ‘Doctor, you don’t believe me that you are checking with my missus?’

‘It’s not like that, Mr. Wilson. Many a times women observe those small things we men tend to overlook. That’s why…please don’t get offended.’

‘You mean this dear old coot here brought this up to check with you? Didn’t say a word to me,’ glowered the wife half rising from her seat disregarding her joints groaning from the effort.

Mr. Wilson withered under her unwavering gaze.

faltige_frau
Not one to seek confirmation she rolled on: ‘It was the time of Christmas at sub-zero, when it happened first. When he did it again, it was scalding summer frying onions for free.’

‘Now,’ she fixed the doctor with her glare, ‘if there’s more to it, Doctor, won’t you let’s know?’

With that she stomped out from the Doctor’s room dragging with her Mr. Wilson still trying to figure out, in the manner of a reluctant child being taken to school.

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Credits: Somewhere on the internet, openclipart (MoSelf_Doctor and faltige_frau)