We’ve Friends

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Santa: My friend, where do you plan to go for this vacation?

Banta: Well, nothing out of the way, yaar. Last year it was Europe we had planned to spend our holidays and we didn’t. This year it’ll be US that we won’t go to.

End

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A Storm In The Toilet

frog-1037251_960_720 Alexas folas

A man from the toilet shouts to his wife:

‘Darling, darling’

‘Why are you shouting? I can hear you.’

‘This can’t wait.’

‘It always is. Why don’t you check if there’s paper before going in?’

‘Darliiiiing.’

‘Hold for a minute, I’m getting a roll.’

‘No, darling, just restart the router please.’

End

 

 

Source: funny-jokes-quotes.com, pixabay.com (Alexas)

Almost Perfect

My source indicates this could be a true story! It does unavoidably get race-specific just at one place crucial to the levity of the situation though not in any derogatory sense. Apologies for my inability to satisfactorily rephrase it in any other manner.

Here we go:

It seems that a young man volunteered for Navy service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola, Florida, skipping boot camp.

The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft. he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, and the light failing, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.

He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain busy peering thru his binoculars. Saluting smartly he said,

“Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?”

The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, “You make one velly impoltant mistake!”

End

Source: inspire21.com

Utter Momsense

Listen-to-your-Ranting-Mom Kanigas

‘Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?’

‘You’re going out?’

‘Yes.’

‘With whom?’

‘With a friend.’

‘I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.’

‘I didn’t leave him. He left me!’

‘You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybody and nobody.’

‘I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?’

‘I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.’

‘There are lots of things that you did and I don’t.’

‘What are you hinting at?’

‘Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.’

‘You’re going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?’

‘My EX husband. I don’t think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!’

‘So you’re going to sleep over at this loser’s place?’

‘He’s not a loser.’

‘A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.’

‘I don’t want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?’

‘Poor children with such a mother.’

‘Such as what?’

‘With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.’

‘ENOUGH !!’

‘Don’t scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!’

‘Now you’re worried about the loser?’

‘Ah, so you see he’s a loser. I spotted him immediately.’

‘Goodbye, mother.’

‘Wait! Don’t hang up! When are you bringing them over?’

‘I’m not bringing them over! I’m not going out!’

‘If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?’

End

 

 

Source: Image from Kanigas

Kids Speak: How Can You Tell If Two People Are Married?

yelling.jpg.CROP.cq5dam_web_1280_1280_jpeg slate

 

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

– Derrick, age 8

 

End

 

 

Source: Nidokidos.com, slate.com

 

Why Great Men Are No Longer Born In India?

You don’t have to look far for the reason. It stares in your eyes if you keep them open.

All because of successive Indian Governments aggressively pursuing Family Planning initiatives, particularly Narendra Modi’s.

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BBC _78908105_51341829

We didn’t have the tools before. Now thanks to Big Data, we know:

Mahathma Gandhi was the son of the fourth wife of his father.

Babasaheb  Ambedkar was the 14th issue of his father.

Ravindranath Tagore was also the 14th issue of his father.

Subash Chandra Bose was the 9th among the 14 siblings.

Swami Vivekananda was the 6th among the 10 siblings.

So, folks, if our children are where they’re in life, it’s not their (un)doing:-)

You know who to blame!

And all this science-speak of sperms and eggs degrading with age…

End

 

Source: Received thru whatsApp; veracity not checked.

Those Were The Days…

Left out

 

End

 

Source: santabanta.com