Imp Peccable Service!

Amtrak commons.wikimedia.org

“Excuse me sir,” said the man to one of the stewards on an Amtrak train, “I always get nauseous when I go on trains, so I am going to take a heavy sleeping pill, but please do whatever you can to make sure I get off when it stops in Baltimore. I really don’t want to miss my great aunt’s funeral.”

“Sure thing!” said the steward happily, “we’ll make you sure you get off!”

Six hours later the train stopped in Washington D.C. and the man jumped out of his seat in a panic, “WHAT THE HECK! I ASKED YOU TO WAKE ME UP IN BALTIMORE!”

rustrated

“Oh boy! He looks mad!” Remarked the fellow behind him to his wife.

“Not half as mad as that other guy they carried off back in Baltimore.” She whispered back.

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Credit: greatcleanjokes.com, commons.wikimedia.org and alsanda.wordpress.com
Disclaimer: This is a purely fictional piece.

Beyond red wine: Secrets of a long life

tskraghu:

For some reason the snap of the venerable lady is not retrieved from the original post. Here it is:

www.jtirregulars.com Hattie Mae MacDonald of Feague

Image from jtirregulars.com

Originally posted on The Other I:

The following is an interview with Hattie Mae MacDonald of Feague, Kentucky, in the United States.  Hattie is 101 years old.

Reporter:  Can you give us some health tips for reaching the age of 101?

Hattie:   For better digestion I drink beer.  In the case of appetite loss  I drink white wine.  For low blood pressure I drink Red  Wine.  In the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch.   And when I have a cold I drink Schnapps.

 Reporter:  When do you drink water?

 Hattie:   I’ve never been that sick.

View original

When A Do-Gooder Meets A No-Gooder…

the outcomes are not always predictable. Read on:

A citizen who prided, himself on being something of a Good Samaritan was passing an apartment house in the small hours of the morning when he noticed a man leaning limply against the doorway.

11m34

‘What’s the matter?’ he asked. ‘Had one too many?’

The man nodded.

‘Live here?’

‘Yup’

‘Do you want me help you upstairs?’

‘Yup, the second,’ his hand pointing up.

The elevator door was open with no car in place. Not to be deterred, with much difficulty he half dragged, half carried the drooping figure up the stairway to the second-floor.

It was dark. Rather than face an irate wife who might perhaps take him to be an accomplice more at fault than her spouse, he opened what appeared to be the door to a hallway to the apartments and pushed the limp figure in with some effort.

The Good Samaritan groped his way downstairs.

As he was passing through the vestibule, he was able to make out the dim outlines of another who was apparently in a worse condition than the first.

‘What’s the matter? Are you drunk too?’ he asked.

‘Yup,’ was the feeble reply.

‘Do you live here too?’

‘Yup, on the second floor.’

‘Some party, eh? You want me to help you go up?’

The Good Samaritan pushed, pulled and carried him upstairs. He opened the same door and pushed him in.

As he reached the front-door he discerned the shadow of a third man evidently worse of than either of the other two. He was about to approach him when the object of his solicitude lurched into the street, panic in his eyes as though he saw a ghost and threw himself into the arms of a passing policeman.

‘Off’shur! Off’shur! For heav’n sake, Off’shur! he gasped.

‘Steady, steady, what’s it? the policeman inquired.

‘Off’shur, protect me from that man. He’s done noth’ng all night long except carry me upstairs and throw me down the elevator shaft.’

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Credits: Source unknown.

Utter Momsense

John gave his Mom a driver’s manual for her to read and be ready when it came time to get her driver’s permit.

“Oh,” she said, “I already know everything in the book.”

“You do?”

“Yep”, she said, very smugly.

“OK, we’ll just see about that.”

So John asked her:

“How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?”

girl_driving_car_openclipart.org

“One,” she replied.

“What? One?!”

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on John’s face, she added. . .

“Only one, John. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one.”

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Credits: Arcamax.com and openclipart.org

The Difference Is…

7f00180d-29fd-4f0a-96d9-4bad08fd8f54 (1)

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Credits: From the net

Try This If You Have A Minute And

chase away Alzheimer’s.

Here we go:

There are nine children in the room and all are busy.

A is ironing

B is watching TV

C is cooking

D is playing chess

E is bathing

F is listening radio

Hold on, we’re almost done.

G is sleeping

I is dressing

cartoon_kids leoggWhat is H doing?

If you wish to know it’s in the comments.

End

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Credits: funFunky.com and cartoon_kids from leogg

Asking Questions

Is an important learning behavior for a child.

A Child Learns By Asking Questions

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Credits: funonthenet.in

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