Wives And GF’s, Laugh It Off, Please…

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A woman stepped off a bus and realised she had left her purse on board. When she turned around, the bus was already long gone.

She called the bus company and was relieved to find out the bus driver had found her bag. When she went to pick it up, a man handed her two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of her purse.

“We’re required to inventory lost wallets and purses,” he explained. “You’ll find everything in there.”

As the woman began pilling the items back into her bag, the man continued, “I hope you don’t mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we’d like to see just how you do it.”

**

Mark Gungor on Male and Female brains – Boxes and Brains (7.51 mins):

Clip is available here.

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Source: JuNaid BaJwaBest English Quotes & Sayings, santabanta.com

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Musings Of An Idle Philosopher

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Source: Internet

Chuckles For The Weekend

From A Joke A Day

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My Job As A Taxi Driver

Submitted by raza

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver…

It turns out my customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

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I Just Bought A Pig

Submitted by Henne

Two friends were chatting. “I’ve just bought a pig!” said the first.

“But where will you keep it?” asked the second. “Your yard’s much too small for a pig!”

“I’m going to keep it under my bed,” replied the first.

“But what about the smell?”

“He’ll soon get used to that.”

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Trying To Catch Up 

Submitted by mcdanijt

Cop: You know how fast you were going?

Guy: Sorry officer, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.

Cop: What traffic? The road is empty.

Guy: Yea, that’s how far behind I am.

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The Viola Student 

Submitted by D-Gellybean

The conductor turned to the viola student and said, “You should have taken up the viola earlier.” 

“Why?” asked the student. “Do you think the practice would have made me really good?”

“No,” said the conductor. “But you might have given up by now.”

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Images from businessinsider.com, pinterest, bestlifeonline.com and Wellnessliving.com

Shaayar Anonymous

Shaayar for those not in the know is one who pens Urdu poetry.

Here’s a nice one from our late President Dr. Abdul Kalam:

It stirred his attendant sufficiently to this outcome!!

Needless to add he did not retain his job for long:-)

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Source: Entirely fictional from Pinterest

Quantum Theory Supports It: ‘Distance Depends On Who Is Measuring!’

Far Is Near When…

Realtor Showing How Close The Site Is To…

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Near Goes Far When

Auto Driver Telling You How Far It Is And Hence His Charges…

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Source: 100% சிரிப்பு இலவசம்

When Stooping Low Is Fine!

This is based on a snippet that appeared years, rather decades, ago in Reader’s Digest:

Scene: In a shopping aisle of a retail store

A cute old lady sighted a cheaper box of detergent, a brand sourced locally by the store and hence stocked on the top shelf – it was the industry practice. These local brands introduced at the initiative of the store managers usually do not have the budget for more favourable spots.

Not the lady in the anecdote though. See her in the clip below:-)

She went right up and pressing herself against the shelf, taking care not to topple merchandise off the lower shelves, and put out her hands. No luck, she was still many inches short. Raising her heels a little also did not help.

She stepped back in disappointment and stood there wondering what next.

Just then another customer, a tall man, seeing her brief struggle, walked down the aisle to her.

Looking at where her gaze went, he easily reached and pulled out the box from its high perch and handed it over. It was she needed just one.

The lady thanked him gratefully. Feeling compelled to do more, she turned to him:

“Would you be needing anything from here?”

She was pointing at the bottom shelves for him.

**

While some encounters go like this:

or here.

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Source: vidmo.com

When An Unstoppable Force Meets An Immovable Object…A Deposition You Wouldn’t Want To Miss!

First, the story:

From a report filed by Laura Johnston, cleveland.com (edited for brevity and easier reading):

Cuyahoga County loses copier case; spent $55,000 in tax dollars on losing effort

Updated Feb 29, 2012; Posted Feb 29, 2012

CLEVELAND, Ohio — Cuyahoga County violated state law for two years by trying to charge more than $200,000 for CDs loaded with copies of property records, the Ohio Supreme Court ruled Wednesday.

The dispute dates to November 2010, when two title information companies sued then-county Recorder Lillian Greene over her policy of charging $2 a page for property records contained on a CD.

The companies argued the county must provide copies of master CDs — which the county makes each day to backup digital images of documents recorded — at cost, as required the state’s public records law.

Greene and her staff based their charges on a state law that requires a $2-per-page fee to photocopy or fax documents. Based on that law, they argued that CDs containing copies of 104,000 pages of records should cost $208,000.

“A copy is a copy is a copy,” attorney David Movius, whom the county hired to fight the suit, said last year.

The high court said in a 7-0 decision that the county must provide CDs of recorded deeds and mortgages for $1, ending a dispute that cost county taxpayers as much as $55,000 in legal fees and garnered international attention because of a county employee’s verbal acrobatics in defining the word “photocopier” during a deposition.

Greene was removed from office by a charter voters approved in 2009. But when county Executive Ed FitzGerald took office in January 2011, he continued to defend Greene’s position.

On Wednesday, county Law Director Majeed Makhlouf defended the decision to continue fighting the lawsuit, arguing that state law governing records is confusing.

“You needed clarity on the law,” Makhlouf said. “The county had already spent so much money. We thought, let’s get it clarified once and for all.”

But the seven Supreme Court justices found no confusion.

“There is no conflict, much less an irreconcilable one,” the court wrote in its opinion. “In cases in which photocopying physical pages of recorded documents is requested, a county recorder shall charge $2 per page… In cases in which CDs containing electronically recorded documents are requested, the county recorder shall charge the actual cost of the copies.”

The ruling says the county’s argument “lacks merit.”

The definition of photocopy was a highlight of the case.

Lawrence Patterson, then the acting head of information technology for the recorder’s division of the county fiscal office, testified that he could not say if photocopiers had ever been used in the office.

“When you say ‘photocopying machine,’ what do you mean?” asked Patterson, when questioned by Marburger.

Patterson still works for the county, making $65,000 a year.

Marburger said he was not exasperated in the least unlike his counterpart in the clip: “I actually wanted [Patterson] to keep up what I perceived as a charade. Once he chose the path that he took, I didn’t want a straight answer; I wanted him to keep it going. That was why I kept pushing over the course of 10 pages of transcript. To me, the testimony became too good to be true. It was perfect.”

He also said that Patterson wasn’t the slightest bit intimidated in real life. Marburger used the absurd testimony to win the case, and the court unanimously agreed that they only charge $1 per CD moving forward.

Now, for the deposition:

The video clip included below is a dramatization of the deposition verbatim!

If the clip does not show up, watch here:

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A few interesting user comments:

Warped #####: An argument so absurd it could have only happened in real life.

####### S-6: Wow! That was one of the longest Xerox commercials I’ve ever seen! If advertising was as good as this, it wouldn’t be so irritating! (Too bad it really wasn’t an Ad)

Cr####: This witness is perfect. Every defense attorney could only dream. What an apparatchik….dude understands the law better than the prosecutor.

######212000: Don’t worry guys. The lawyers weren’t really that upset. They charge over 500 dollars an hour…

#### Mission: And that’s why I murdered the witness, your honor!

Brik ####: pho·to·cop·i·er – Dictionary result for photocopier /ˈfōdōˌkäpēər/ noun a machine for making photocopies.

Naji###: This is also how my IT job feels like from time to time.

MR1#####: gas powered photocopier?

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Here’s a deposition of a different kind for you to enjoy:

If the clip does not appear, see it here. She speaks (gibberish) like she understood what her dad is telling her!

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