Chuckles

from Ray’s Daily

For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions:

“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” he began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being—a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”

To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement.

Finally, she responded, “I think it’s a great idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?”

**

A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly. Now you know why!

**

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man received the full treatment – shave, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.

“I’m goin’ to buy a tie to wear to the party,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

When the boy’s haircut was done and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “It looks like your daddy forgot all about you.”

“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!'”

**

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says: “So how is your strange business going?”

“What do you mean strange?”

“Because you sell only trumpets and guns!”

“So?”

“Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?”

“It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun.”

**

End

Source: Wiki, thestir.cafemom.com Pinterest

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Words Adding Enchantment To Thoughts…

Sanmargam

And what are words?

Pankaj Thakkar‎ Best English Quotes & Sayings

Varun Kumar‎ Best English Quotes & Sayings

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Wives And GF’s, Laugh It Off, Please…

Well, don’t want to push my luck too far:-)

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Source: Fatimah Abd Wahid‎ and Sheeba Azam in Best English Quotes & Sayings, All India Jokes , santabanta.com…

Wake Up, America, You’re No Longer…

…in the lead.

The world order has changed!

You had you run of glorious days of Bush’isms and gaffe-de-Quayle (that’s a Urdu construct).

Now the stage is ours!

Tall claims?

Suffice to take one look at this small selection of truisms pronounced by an Indian PM-aspirant in recent times and you’ll cower in abject submission:

“Politics is everywhere. It’s in your shirt, it’s in your pants. It’s everywhere.”

“Poverty is a state of mind.”

“See, there is a tendency to look at India as a country.”

“A Dalit needs Jupiter’s escape velocity to achieve success.”

” If India is a computer, then Congress is its default program

“This morning, I woke up at night.”

“Congress party is the world’s biggest political establishment. It has no rules and regulations.”

“If you want to know who has given milk to Gujarat, look at these women.”

“Gujarat is bigger than the United Kingdom. In fact, India is bigger than Europe and The US put together”

“All the cities of Bangalore…”

Not my problem, if he gives himself away – you’re not getting names from me.

To be fair, I’ve no means to verify the authenticity of the attribution above. But then if he hasn’t said it, he has amply shown his capacity for saying it – it’s the same thing, right?’

Are you still around, America?

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Source: Abilash Parthasarathy. No images, please.

Life Cycle Of A Scam

…The fiction above is but a microcosm of the play in real world where the curtains stay permanently raised up for a non-stop run of scams and the public looking away helplessly in disgust, disbelief and disinterest.

The wise rishi’s up there in the high mountains meditating on and seeking ‘Truth’ are not back yet. It is quite likely they’re successful in their quest before long while we putter around in the plains?…

Fictional, for a good part, read it here.

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Until Death Parted Us?? A Horror Story (600+ Words)

She was reported missing by her husband a week ago.

The police machinery set in motion had no concrete information yet.

The husband was also questioned on rumors of marital discord.

That’s where it stalled.

He was sure there was some foul play in his sister’s disappearance. Asking around, he got nothing to go by. Yes, there were the usual domestic squabbles from time to time heard by the neighbors. But that was about all.

His friend took him to consult a baba known to have powers of vision.

The baba heard them out and said: ‘Unfortunately, I’ve expended all my tantric/yogis power. Not until the next full-moon day that is about three weeks away from now…’

Pressed by the friend to do something here and now, the baba went into a trance, promising to do his best.

Coming out of trance some ten minutes later, the baba was panting for breath and profusely sweating. The two visitors felt guilty of putting the baba to trouble and stood aside nervously heads down. The baba called them near and said: ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t muster enough power to have a clear vision…I had warned you…All I could hazily see was a patch in front of a rose bush in what appeared to be a backyard of a house.’

He understood – the spot in front of the rose bush in the backyard of her house was his sister’s favorite place. Often she would sit there, read books, play with her dog or simply lie down looking at the sky.

He went to the police and raised a ruckus over their inaction so far. With great apprehension and reluctance, more to appease him and buy more time, they agreed to act on the baba’s input, quite at the risk of exposing themselves to ridicule for taking a mere baba’s word seriously.

It wasn’t easy either to get their way with the husband. Despite his protestations, finally they managed to dig up the patch on the yard where the soil did look disturbed.  

At two feet of depth they struck pay-dirt.

All hands went up to their noses as the overpowering stench of decaying flesh bubbled up.

In there was a dog’s body, its upper torso revealed clear off the soil. It was his sister’s, marked by the distinctive strap around the neck.

She had loved the dog like her own child – they had none of their own.

The husband was ready for it – he explained: after his wife went missing, the dog was inconsolable try hard as he might. Went without food or water. He even took it to a vet – they could check it out, his medication to no avail. It would go and lie down on the patch and not move in even in the cold nights. Two days ago it was found dead in the morning. The poor thing was buried at its favorite spot. That’s how it came to be where it was found.

He looked dazed, sat down on the ground disheartened hands on his head. It was back to square one. No doubt the baba had ‘seen’ – but it was not good enough. Now what next…

The police officer in-charge shook his head in dismay and, cursing himself under his breath, ordered the men to refill the hole on the ground, his mind racing to find a way to mollify the irate husband.

Thump…thump…It stopped as soon as it began. Commotion ensued at the hole, men inured to seeing the ghastly and gore clambering out of the hole like they were fleeing death.  Brought the officer rushing back to the scene.

Trying vainly to block the stench, the officer peered down the hole to see the dog’s body head to toe now fully cleared off the soil, his attention drawn to the lower torso where it was held in a close hug by a badly decomposed hand coming up from under.

End  

Source: Inspired by an Indian movie episode narrated to me long ago. Can’t recall which, who… Image from Masterfile

Update: M tells me the movie is Kamal Haasan’s Papanasam. Apparently the story takes a different route with no paranormal elements – only the dog remains the common piece.

Musings Of An Idle Philosopher

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Source: quora.com/profile/Shivanandam-Mahesh and image from dzhingarov.com