Bet You Didn’t See It Coming!

**

‘I once worked as a salesman and was very independent…

…took orders from no one.’

**

‘Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes…

…it means you laugh at his.’

**

‘It’s not too difficult to have the world beat a path to your door…

…get into your bathroom!’

**

“It’s wonderful, I’m making new friends every day!”  

…from Erwin, 78, Alzheimer patient

**

Husband looks at his wife in surprise, “Wow darling, you look all different and nice today! Is that a new hairdo?”

The wife hisses from behind him, “I’m over here, Arnold!”

**

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, “One day, this could be you.”

I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he’s right.

**

‘Before starting to stand-up comedy I used to think I’ll die of hunger…

…now, I’m quite sure about it.’

**

‘Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays…

…of people I don’t really know.’

**

‘Football gave me a traumatic brain injury…

…and I was only watching.’

End

Sources: onelinefun and short-funny