Those Were The Days…

Left out

 

End

 

Source: santabanta.com

You Guessed It Right…

Santa is just back from a course on ‘Think Different’:

santa-plants

 

End.

 

 

Sometimes It Pays To Have Clouded Vision!

Wife in Parlor.jpg

This man was patiently waiting at the reception of a Beauty Parlor, his eyes averting the beautiful ladies swishing by.

There was this dame who slowly walked up to him and squeezed his shoulders and said seductively:

‘Come on, let’s go and have some fun.’

The man broke into copious sweat and managed to tell her:

‘I’m a married man, lady. Am here with my wife. Please go away.’

The man almost had a nervous breakdown when she pecked him on his cheeks and cooed into his ears:

‘Stupid, wipe your glasses, it’s me.’

 

End

 

 

Source: santabanta.com

 

Santa Goes To A Dentist

www.indiatvnews.co IndiaTve7b337_Santa-Banta-jokes

Santa  went to a dentist for tooth extraction and first inquired about cost.

Dentist said it’s Rs 1,200 per extraction. Santa thought it was too much and asked about cheaper methods.

The dentist understood Santa’s concern: ‘Yes, it can be done without anesthesia and will cost only Rs. 300, but I must warn you it would be very very painful.’

Santa was ready:’Okay, Doctor, I can take it, do it without anesthesia.’

The dentist removed the tooth without anesthesia and during the entire procedure the Santa sat quietly,completely unruffled, even smiling a little.

The dentist was not only surprised but was quite impressed and said: ‘I have never seen such a brave patient like you. I don’t even want my fees, here, instead take this Rs. 500 as a reward, you’ve taught me such a powerful lesson today about mastering one’s pain and feelings thru mind control!!!’

In the evening he met his fellow dentists and told everyone about his amazing patient. Out of all doctors, one jumped up: ‘Did he wear garish yellow t-shirt?’

‘Yes, he did, it kind of strikes you right away,’ the dentist confirmed.

‘That rascal came to me… I gave him anesthesia and asked him to wait outside for half an hour. When I called him in again he was gone…just like that.’

End

 

Source: santabanta.com and indiatvnews.com

 

Santa Is Brave

 

Santa was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit.

Santa

The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

“Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!”

“Oh, that’s okay,” said Santa from the witness stand. “I don’t mind answering the question.”

“I object!” the defense said again.

“No, really,” said Santa. “I’ll answer.”

The judge ruled: “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object.”

So the prosecutor repeated the question: “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

Santa replied brightly, “I don’t know!”

End

 

 

Source: Ray Mitchell at raykiwsp.wordpress.com and image from santabanta.com

 

A 100-Word Story

 

This delightful piece is ‘penned’ by Laurence Simon at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com, a prolific source of many an enjoyable drabble:

Dear Santa,
A lot of my friends are sad, worried, and afraid.
And I can’t do anything about them.
But tell them I’m sorry, which doesn’t really help.
Maybe instead of going around the world
And leaving presents for all the good boys and girls
You could go around and collect up all the sadness
And worry. And stress. And fear.
Collect them all up in your bag
And then fly out over the deepest ocean
Or the South Pole
And dump them over the side of the sleigh.
Oh, and pick up newspapers and soda cans
For recycling, too.

End

Santa Goes To A Game-Show And…

‘Hey, listen someone is asking for you.’

Santa took the receiver from his wife.

‘Yes, yes…..yes…..thank you…..thank you…..certainly…..I’ll be there…..thank you,’ from an excited Santa.

’Who was it? And you look maha (very) pleased. What’s the matter? Did you win some lottery or what?’

‘Arre bhaagwan, you’re nearly right. It’s not lottery, but close to it. They’ve called me. Go and buy some sweets from Banarasi.’

‘Don’t talk in riddles. Who has called you and for what?’

‘I’ve been selected for the ‘Tum Banoge Karodpathi’ (TBC) show. I’ve to go there this Saturday.’

There was all-round unrestrained elation. After a while the initial excitement gave way to the serious issue of what they’ll do with the prize money. Yes, going to TBC meant they were in for some money. The first on the list was a LCD TV. They were the only house in the neighborhood without one. The air-conditioners were ugly looking, hogging power and waking up everyone within 500 meters. The newer split units were sleek and silent and would not punch a truck-sized hole in the monthly budget. If there was still some money left, may be a week in Manali? They’ll have to be satisfied with Manali though people around went to Bangkok and Singapore. If they were lucky it could even be a car or a SUV. Who knows it could be anything…

Before we go further, to fill you in with a little bit of background on TBC:

The textile-tycoon Motilal Jadhav had launched PeeJay, an entertainment channel mainly to satisfy his son Popatlal Jadhav’s mass-media aspirations. Among other things, Popatlal bought the rights to fashion his TBC after the highly successful KBC and hosted it on his channel. All aspects of the original KBC were retained as largely unchanged.

KBC

On the appointed day, Santa reached the studios on time accompanied by his wife and a few cousins to cheer him up. He was met by Popatlal himself and briefed about the history of PeeJay and the rules of the game and later introduced to the host.

MovieIcon

Once the preliminaries were over, the show commenced with Santa in the hot-seat and the host warmly welcoming him before the cameras and asking him about how much he hoped to win.

‘Of course the top amount, one crore (ten million) rupees,’ Santa had no doubts.

Asked what he planned to do with it, Santa was ready: ‘Sirji, we have plans for a LCD TV, air-conditioners, a fridge, a computer, a music system…‘ That’s when his wife from the galleries jumped into the fray strongly disagreeing with him on the point of fridge and other items in the list. It took a good effort on part of an amused host to have the wife contained in her seat.

When host remarked there would still be a large amount to spend even after running through the list, Santa pointed to where his people were sitting: ‘If anything is left, I would gladly share it with my cousins out there.’ This time it sparked off action in the galleries now between the wife and the cousins.

Peace was quickly restored and the quizzing commenced.

It opened with: In which place would you find Howrah Bridge? The choices were: A) Mumbai B) Chennai C) Howrah D) Chandigarh.

Followed by: What sounds wake you up in the morning? A) Sun rising in the east B) Wife’s snores C) Flowers blooming in the garden D) Ants stepping out on foray

Santa sailed past these rounds with Rs 20,000 already in the bag and going for Rs 40,000.

Things were now beginning to get a little tricky. For the first time sweat beaded on Santa’s brows.
The question was: What is the common source of milk for us? He had to pick from: A) Cow B) Milk-man C) Vending machine D) Milk powder. Santa almost settled on option D. Quite fortuitously he eyed his cousins shaking their heads vigorously from side to side. He decided to ‘flip’ (skip) this question.

The alternative question popped up by ‘Computerji’ did not improve the matters for poor Santa: Who is the father of Popatlal Jadhav? Santa had to choose from: A) Atal Bihari Vajpayee B) Motilal Jadhav C) Baba Bansi D) Shirish Yadav.

Santa was certain it was not Vajpayee – he had read the ex-PM was a bachelor. Nor it could be Baba Bansi – Baba’s had their strict Do’s and Don’ts and fathering children was not one of their Do’s. From what he had seen and heard, B sounded more like it but D confused him a little. Time was ticking away and the pressure palpable. The money so far in the kitty was not good for even a LCD TV. Could he duck this one? No, it had to be played as he had already exercised the ‘flip’ once before. Santa looked to the heavens for help and the heavens for some reason were unkind on this occasion. He turned to the audience in the galleries for some cues. No luck there too. His cousins and wife had gone dead like statues.

In the recording room, Popatlal looked amused. He thought the question was a cinch. He couldn’t imagine why it was so difficult for Santa to pick the right one, after all that he had shared with Santa before the show.

Looking at a vexed Santa, the host reminded Santa he still had 50-50 and a Help line that he could use.
Santa came back to life immediately. He was cheered by the galleries as he opted for 50-50 – Computerji would be required to reduce the options to two.

There was a hush in the studio as the ‘wheels’ whirred inside the computer. There was a gentle tinkle and the options A and B disappeared from the computer screen.

Now it was the host’s turn to look vexed. And in the recording room, Popatlal gasped audibly splashing tea on his spotlessly white kurta. What was happening? Whoever coded the quiz had obviously goofed. He must be ticked off in strongest terms. But that could wait.

As a consummate showman the host saw he had to keep the show going regardless. So pushing back his concerns, he turned to Santa for his response.

computer liftarn

Santa was no closer to the answer after the 50-50. It had left him truly clueless.

He turned to the host and asked for using the Help line. Unwittingly the host obliged while Popatlal was turning white in the face.

Well, what happened thereafter is now unpleasant history.

Soon after, one thing led to another. Dirty linens were washed in public. If the grape-wine is to be believed the relations in the family have broken down beyond repair and the matter would land up in the court of law.

You might ask what did Santa do to trigger this disastrous avalanche of events beginning with the show being aborted right there and a dismayed Santa sent back unceremoniously with his winnings up till the instant.

All he did was to use the Help line to rattle Popatlal’s mother for an answer.
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End

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Credits: openclipart.com and Wiki. The logo and the show KBC presently continue to be the property of Sony Entertainment Network.

Disclaimer: This piece is entirely fictional.