In The Spirit Of The Season…

one doesn’t have to be a saint to give away:

The priest said to the poor farmer, “If you had a horse, would you give it to the Lord?”

“Yes.”

“And if you had a cow?”

“Absolutely.”

“And a goat?”

“Sure.”

“A pig?”

“Now, that’s not fair!” protested the farmer. “You know I have a pig!”

Wonder if there’s a bit of this ‘farmer’ in us showing up on occasions.

This priest saves so many souls this season:

A minister in a little church announced: “Before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin’s hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord.  The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!”

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.

[forwarded by Gretchen Patti]

End

Source: Mike’s Funnies, Images from clipartxtras.com and Bishop Accountability

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What’s A Friend For?

ksspng com

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says“I’m taking the priest’s wife out for breakfast. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”

The friend doesn’t like it but being a friend, he agrees.

After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to.

Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest“My friend is out to a restaurant with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says…
“U BETTER HURRY HOME NOW …. MY WIFE DIED A YEAR AGO”

End

 

 

 

Source: jyoti ranpura jyotiranpura@yahoo.com [funonthenet], kisspng.com

Thank My Lord, There’s Still Some Good Left…

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the Madam’s house across the street.

drunk11 Hum Dispdrunk Hum Disp

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the house, and one of them said,

“Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.”

Then they saw a Rabbi enter the house, and the other Irishman said,

“Aye, ’tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin’ victim to temptation.”

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the house, and one of the Irishmen said,

“What a terrible pity…one of the girls must be quite ill.
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End
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Credits: raykiwsp.wordpress.com and gif’s from the net.

Stand-Up Music

melwe_priest

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

“Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”

During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”

keyboard J_Alves

At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

End .
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Credits: raykiwsp.wordpress.com and openclipart,com(J_Alves, melwe)

What Does It Take To Bring Back Lost Memories?

A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.

AJ_priest
“How much do you want for the mower?” asked the preacher.

“I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle.” said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, “Will you take my bike in trade for it?”

The little boy asked if he could try it out first. He told the preacher he hadn’t ridden a bicycle in a long time and wasn’t sure he could still ride one.

The preacher told him, “Just keep trying. It’ll come back to you.”

After riding the bike around a little while, the little boy said, “Mister, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.

The preacher called the little boy over and said, “I can’t get this mower to start.”

The little boy said, “That’s because you have to cuss at it to get it started.”

The preacher said, “I can’t cuss. It’s been so long since I became a Christian that I don’t even remember how to cuss.”

The little boy looked at him happily and said, “You just keep pulling on that rope. It’ll come back to you.”

End
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Credits: joe-ks.com. openclipart.com (AJ)