Life’s Poem And Prose

Video here.

Poem: This bird has just discovered that golf balls bounce on concrete and he’s absolutely loving it.

Prose: This bird has just found a ‘nut’ and he’s trying to break it open.

End

When I Was Your Age I’d Effortlessly…

golfswing
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green.

golf-course-thumb

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d effortlessly hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment,

johnny_automatic_ by Fougasse 1922
“Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”

End

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Credits: freshfreejokes.blogspot.in, webweaver.nu, openclipart (jhonny_automatic).

The last cartoon of ‘mad golfer’ uploaded by johnny-automatic was drawn by Fougasse.Cyyril Kenneth Bird, pen name Fougasse (17 December 1887, London – 11 June 1965, London) was a British cartoonist best known for his editorship of Punch magazine and his World War II warning propaganda posters. He also designed many posters for the London Underground. Since 2009 his cartoon of a butler carrying a tray has been used to illustrate the front page of British Airways’ First Class menus, continuing an association with the airline which goes back to the 1930s when Fougasse penned advertising posters for BA’s forerunner, Imperial Airways. Source: Wiki

2013 Masti

dance 1 f funky Picture1 dance f funky

Magician and the Parrot
pars
There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship’s cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:

“It’s up his sleeve, it’s up his sleeve!”or

“It’s in his pocket, it’s in his pocket!”or

“It’s in his mouth, it’s in his mouth!”

The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.

genie

Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.

The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, “OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?”

The Perfect Shot

Golf

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed, driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the heck is taking so long? Hit the darned ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Give me a break! You don’t stand a snowball’s chance of hitting her from here.”

Man and Wife
TV Watch b

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

“OK,” says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV.

Gone to Dogs

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The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. (Anonymous)

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. (Ann Landers)

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. (Will Rogers)

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. (Josh Billings)

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. (Andy Rooney)

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise. (Unknown)

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ (Dave Barry)

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. (Phil Pastoret)

End
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Credits: Yahoo group enjoythemasti, arcmax.com, openclipart.com, wackywits.com for the gif’s and Wikipedia