Chuckles

From Shanti Ravichandran’s collection of wit and wisdom:

Save The Girl Child!

My grandma always gave the cloth to a tailor who did not have children of his own:-)

Life is an illusion!

Trolling a mobile service provider:-)

No one is replaceable!

Know this, man!

End

Mind Is A Lonely Place (50+Words)

india-1427989_960_720 Pixabay

The ride to the railway station had been tiring.

Through the window she could see him hurrying away as the train pulled out slowly, puffing and panting.

Her mind, for no reason, went back to the time when she did not have the baby.

She was even ready with a name: ‘Asha’ meaning Hope.

End

 

 

 

Source: Inspired by a post in Pinterest, image from Pixabay.

The Girl Who Can Do Everything…Almost

 

Well, a lot of it, quite beyond me in three score and eight years I’ve seen yet!

This delightful piece is from Aditi Krishnan (11), quite appropriate for International Women’s Day.

Here we go:

girl Caricatura-de-una-chica-soriendo-300px

 

Past the stars, and through the galaxy lies a planet called Flurp

And on this planet, there lives a very special girl, named Kurp

 

Now Kurp is a very special girl, for what you can think, she can do

And what you can do, she can too, but much better than you!

 

She can wiggle her nose and touch her toes

And count how far? Who knows?

 

She’ll win any game, has amazing aim,

She can perfectly hang a frame

 

She can touch the sky, she can twitch her eye

She can even fly! Who knows how high!

 

She can blow a balloon, she’ll bend a spoon

She can even play the bassoon!

 

Although there is one thing, Kurp just cannot do

She asks, ” How, oh how, do you tie a shoe?”

 

“You take the laces and tie a knot”

“Which lace? What knot? I think it got caught!”

 

“I can never do it! I will never do it!”

“Definitely not, just not if you quit”

 

“No! I will quit! You shall watch me!”

 “But that will not help, you see?”

 

“So… if I try and try, and try once more…”

“And I keep trying until my arms are sore…”

 

“Then I will be able to do a whole lot!!!”

“Ok, so you take the laces and tie a knot…”

 

“And make the loops, and tie them too!”

“I did it! I did it! There’s nothing I can’t do!”

 

“I can….. win any race, I can dance through space,”

“And now I can tie my shoe lace!”

 

“I can fix any leak, I can hop through a creek,”

“And I’m amazing at hide-and seek!”

 

“I can beautifully sing, jump high as a spring,”

“I can do anything!”

 

`End

 

 

 

Source: openclipart (knollbaco)

 

That’s How it Goes

They were new to the neighborhood.

After a late night, the family on this day had overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.

schoolfreeware_School_Bus

The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school. And she assured him she would.

They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes and they finally reached the school.

That’s when the father realized that the school was only a short distance from their home.

Much annoyed, he asked his daughter why she’d led him around in such a huge circle.

young-girl oc bisida

The child explained, ‘But, Dad, we reached without a single wrong turn. Didn’t we? And, that’s the way the school bus goes.’

End .
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Credits: academictips.org, openclipart (schoolfreeware, Bisidi)

Monday Mirth

Child Custody

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama today when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law requiring that family unity be maintained where possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.

When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes, are not capable of beating anyone.

PS: You could substitute in your favourite team and sports.

By George…

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: “GEORGE AND THE DRAGON”.

He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals?” he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. “No!” she said rather sternly.

“Could I have a drink of water?”

“No!” she said again.

“Could I at least sleep in your stable then?”

“NO!” By this time she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond still continued, “Might I please…?”

“What now?” the woman interrupted impatiently.

“D’ye suppose,” he asked…”I might have a word with George?”

Kid’s views on marriage

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids – Derrick, age 8.

What do you think your mum and dad have in common?
Both don’t want any more kids – Lori, age 8.

Is it better to be single or married?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them – Anita, age 9.

How would the world be different if people didn’t get married?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? – Kelvin, age 8.
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Soul Food

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. (Edward Abbey)

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. (Dr. Seuss)

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. (Pablo Picasso)

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. (Maya Angelou)

Self-pity is the worst kind of self-indulgence. (Kayaar)

Talent grows its own legs and wings. (Kayaar)

You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts. (Khalil Gibran)

A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires. (Paulo Coelho)

Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a great artist-a master…can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is…and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be…and more than that, he can make anyone…see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply prisoned inside her ruined body. He can make you feel the quiet, endless tragedy that there was never a girl born who ever grew older than eighteen in her heart…no matter what the merciless hours have done to her. (Yes, this is from the SF guru: Robert A. Heinlein!)

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can’t get any better, it can. (Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight)

End

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Sources: Credits to OyiaBrown (http://oyiabrown.com/category/humour/jokes/), another one from Ray Mitchell (raykiwsp.wordpress.com), Rajiv Chaudhry, openclipart.org (ibuteb, professordenis, mathec), brainyquote.com, goodreads.com and Wiki.