Funny, Eh?

So we thought we’ve seen them all – those meanie humor stuff on stereotypes of all kinds…

This conclusive test to see if the concrete dried

and we thought there’s no room for any fresh surprises until……this one came along:

Driving home from the pub earlier, they were pulled over by a Police Car.

The man and his wife got down from the car.

“Everything alright officer?” he asked the traffic cop.

“Not really sir,” he replied, “Your car was weaving across the road in a very uncontrolled manner.”

“What do you expect?” the man said, “I’ve had a dozen beers.”

The cop laughed, “In that case sir, I fully understand.”

Getting back to his car, he turned around and said: “If you just follow the cars ahead you’ll be doing okay. Take care and safe driving, M’m.”

End

Source: Adopted from jokefortoday.wordpress.com. Harry has an inexhaustible supply to give out a daily dose of his tonic to subscribers. Image from the net.

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A Grandma Has The Last Word 

Glasses 1

This perennial question has drawn several technical solutions,

Glasses 2

has inspired noble thoughts,

Glasses 3

Glasses 4

has the smarties play on the perceptions,

Glasses 5

and has tickled many a funny bone.

Glasses 6

Glasses 7

But a grandma has laid the issue to rest. Yes, RIP.

Try picking a hole in her verdict:

A friend of mine was a philosophy major during his first semester in college.

One day in a seminar class, they spent a great deal of time debating whether the glass was half full or half empty.

After the class, my friend was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was learning at university, so when he went home, he tried to continue the discussion with his family.  With maximum drama, he took a 12 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured in 6 ounces of water.  Then took it into the dining room and placed it in the middle of the table.

He proudly asked his family, “Can anyone tell me whether this glass is half full or half empty.”

Glasses 8

Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied, “Depends if you’re drinking or pouring.”

Any questions?

End

Sources: raykiwsp.wordpress.com, intheequation.com, cartoonstock.com, geeksaresexy.net, spark307.org, truthfollower.com, notallwomenarethesame.wordpress.com, russianmind.com and dreamlandinteractive.com

Mom, I’m Doing Just That! (A 50-Word Drabble)

Gerald-G-Simple-Fruit-FF-Menu-16

Lucy is eating her second watermelon slice. I indulge her because her sister, Rachel, is on  a play-date and she’s not.

Slurp. Drip.

“Lucy, please don’t get watermelon on your dress.”

“Okay.”

Slurp. Drip. Drip.

“Lucy, I just said not to get watermelon on your dress!”

“I’m wearing Rachel’s dress.”

End

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Source :My Daughter’s Sundress  by Mom, I’m Doing Just ThatWendy White Lees in fiftywordstories.com

A Hold-Up On The Eastern Express Highway

9:35 am: Cars are whizzing by in the ten lanes of the Eastern Express Highway.

A kilometer beyond the Ghatkopar turn-off, the outbound traffic in the five lanes squeezes itself into three lanes near the middle. Cars slow down momentarily only to smoothly swing into the lane on their right and pick up even more speed to catch up on the lost seconds. A car seemed to be involved in a fresh accident and is the cause for the traffic to veer away from the lanes on the left. A couple of guys seen standing at the spot trying to flag down a vehicle.

10-15 am: We’re on the Eastern Express Highway heading for Seepz.

drunken_duck_bus

We’ve passed the Ghatkopar turn-off behind us. The cars ahead of us don’t seem to move fast enough. Very quickly we find ourselves at the tail of a crawling procession of cars. After some ten minutes of generally blaming the state-of-affairs in the country, suddenly the scene comes into our view ahead of us.

We all fall silent, half getting up from our seats for a better view. The guy seated on the other side of the isle comes across, leans over smothering me with his smelly jacket, only the window-bars holding him back. The back of a silver gray Maruti Esteem is now visible. As we move forward like those tableaus in a Republic Day ceremonial parade, we see the Maruti halted on its way to climb up a light pole. Broadsiding the car, we have almost stopped. The windshield is all cracked up. The pole is sticking out of the bonnet at an angle. The dashboard is inches away from the driver’s seat. No one around.

800px-Car_crash Wiki

‘There’s no way he could have survived, poor chap,’ the guy in smelly jacket concludes as he retreats.

There’s oil spilled, but I can’t see any blood.

We have to keep moving.

Ah, now the clog is behind us. We’re picking up speed mercifully.

The guy sitting next to me recalls a tragedy that befell his neighbor years ago.

With some luck, I may still be able to avoid the red mark on the muster.

2-30 pm: The after-noon edition of the City News reported the accident on the Eastern Express Highway beyond the Ghatkopar turn-off.

According to some motorists who called in, it is said to have happened at about 9 in the morning.

End .
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Credits: openclipart.com (drunken-duck) and Wiki

Miracle In A Garage

mazeo

It was a long weekend. The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-old’s) went on a trip with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home.

That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad’s car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16-year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening.

When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car – someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panel-beater/spray-painter to fix their dad’s car.

Finally they found one on Saturday morning who promised to do the job on the same day if they brought the car right away.

The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident.

The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge,

‘A miracle has happened! The car has no scratches at all.’

The boys froze.

The mother threw a ‘So, what is the miracle?’ look at the husband.

‘If this isn’t a miracle…A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!’

End
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Source: resourcesforattorneys.com, openclipart (mazeo)

A Bricklayer’s Accident Report

Dear Sirs,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the Accident Reporting Form. I put “Circumstances somewhat beyond control” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

johnny_automatic_roofer

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was fixed to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the Accident Reporting Form that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.

Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the concussion in the head, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 2, Accident Reporting Form.
Construction_Worker_07

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Para 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground-and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were displaced.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

The last I remember was the barrel descending rapidly.

Construction_Worker_08 (1)

I trust I’ve explained the circumstances to your satisfaction.

End

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Credits: http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ad.johnson/humour/anecdote.htm, http://www1.free-clipart.net/ and openclipart.com