Santa Goes To A Game-Show And…
January 19, 2013 3 Comments
‘Hey, listen someone is asking for you.’
Santa took the receiver from his wife.
‘Yes, yes…..yes…..thank you…..thank you…..certainly…..I’ll be there…..thank you,’ from an excited Santa.
’Who was it? And you look maha (very) pleased. What’s the matter? Did you win some lottery or what?’
‘Arre bhaagwan, you’re nearly right. It’s not lottery, but close to it. They’ve called me. Go and buy some sweets from Banarasi.’
‘Don’t talk in riddles. Who has called you and for what?’
‘I’ve been selected for the ‘Tum Banoge Karodpathi’ (TBC) show. I’ve to go there this Saturday.’
There was all-round unrestrained elation. After a while the initial excitement gave way to the serious issue of what they’ll do with the prize money. Yes, going to TBC meant they were in for some money. The first on the list was a LCD TV. They were the only house in the neighborhood without one. The air-conditioners were ugly looking, hogging power and waking up everyone within 500 meters. The newer split units were sleek and silent and would not punch a truck-sized hole in the monthly budget. If there was still some money left, may be a week in Manali? They’ll have to be satisfied with Manali though people around went to Bangkok and Singapore. If they were lucky it could even be a car or a SUV. Who knows it could be anything…
Before we go further, to fill you in with a little bit of background on TBC:
The textile-tycoon Motilal Jadhav had launched PeeJay, an entertainment channel mainly to satisfy his son Popatlal Jadhav’s mass-media aspirations. Among other things, Popatlal bought the rights to fashion his TBC after the highly successful KBC and hosted it on his channel. All aspects of the original KBC were retained as largely unchanged.
On the appointed day, Santa reached the studios on time accompanied by his wife and a few cousins to cheer him up. He was met by Popatlal himself and briefed about the history of PeeJay and the rules of the game and later introduced to the host.
Once the preliminaries were over, the show commenced with Santa in the hot-seat and the host warmly welcoming him before the cameras and asking him about how much he hoped to win.
‘Of course the top amount, one crore (ten million) rupees,’ Santa had no doubts.
Asked what he planned to do with it, Santa was ready: ‘Sirji, we have plans for a LCD TV, air-conditioners, a fridge, a computer, a music system…‘ That’s when his wife from the galleries jumped into the fray strongly disagreeing with him on the point of fridge and other items in the list. It took a good effort on part of an amused host to have the wife contained in her seat.
When host remarked there would still be a large amount to spend even after running through the list, Santa pointed to where his people were sitting: ‘If anything is left, I would gladly share it with my cousins out there.’ This time it sparked off action in the galleries now between the wife and the cousins.
Peace was quickly restored and the quizzing commenced.
It opened with: In which place would you find Howrah Bridge? The choices were: A) Mumbai B) Chennai C) Howrah D) Chandigarh.
Followed by: What sounds wake you up in the morning? A) Sun rising in the east B) Wife’s snores C) Flowers blooming in the garden D) Ants stepping out on foray
Santa sailed past these rounds with Rs 20,000 already in the bag and going for Rs 40,000.
Things were now beginning to get a little tricky. For the first time sweat beaded on Santa’s brows.
The question was: What is the common source of milk for us? He had to pick from: A) Cow B) Milk-man C) Vending machine D) Milk powder. Santa almost settled on option D. Quite fortuitously he eyed his cousins shaking their heads vigorously from side to side. He decided to ‘flip’ (skip) this question.
The alternative question popped up by ‘Computerji’ did not improve the matters for poor Santa: Who is the father of Popatlal Jadhav? Santa had to choose from: A) Atal Bihari Vajpayee B) Motilal Jadhav C) Baba Bansi D) Shirish Yadav.
Santa was certain it was not Vajpayee – he had read the ex-PM was a bachelor. Nor it could be Baba Bansi – Baba’s had their strict Do’s and Don’ts and fathering children was not one of their Do’s. From what he had seen and heard, B sounded more like it but D confused him a little. Time was ticking away and the pressure palpable. The money so far in the kitty was not good for even a LCD TV. Could he duck this one? No, it had to be played as he had already exercised the ‘flip’ once before. Santa looked to the heavens for help and the heavens for some reason were unkind on this occasion. He turned to the audience in the galleries for some cues. No luck there too. His cousins and wife had gone dead like statues.
In the recording room, Popatlal looked amused. He thought the question was a cinch. He couldn’t imagine why it was so difficult for Santa to pick the right one, after all that he had shared with Santa before the show.
Looking at a vexed Santa, the host reminded Santa he still had 50-50 and a Help line that he could use.
Santa came back to life immediately. He was cheered by the galleries as he opted for 50-50 – Computerji would be required to reduce the options to two.
There was a hush in the studio as the ‘wheels’ whirred inside the computer. There was a gentle tinkle and the options A and B disappeared from the computer screen.
Now it was the host’s turn to look vexed. And in the recording room, Popatlal gasped audibly splashing tea on his spotlessly white kurta. What was happening? Whoever coded the quiz had obviously goofed. He must be ticked off in strongest terms. But that could wait.
As a consummate showman the host saw he had to keep the show going regardless. So pushing back his concerns, he turned to Santa for his response.
Santa was no closer to the answer after the 50-50. It had left him truly clueless.
He turned to the host and asked for using the Help line. Unwittingly the host obliged while Popatlal was turning white in the face.
Well, what happened thereafter is now unpleasant history.
Soon after, one thing led to another. Dirty linens were washed in public. If the grape-wine is to be believed the relations in the family have broken down beyond repair and the matter would land up in the court of law.
You might ask what did Santa do to trigger this disastrous avalanche of events beginning with the show being aborted right there and a dismayed Santa sent back unceremoniously with his winnings up till the instant.
All he did was to use the Help line to rattle Popatlal’s mother for an answer.
Credits: openclipart.com and Wiki. The logo and the show KBC presently continue to be the property of Sony Entertainment Network.
Disclaimer: This piece is entirely fictional.