July 30, 2012 2 Comments
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.”
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”
Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?”
Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”
Helping a “lonely” child
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?”
The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?”
“Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”
Old local blacksmith
An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. “Don’t ask me a lot of questions,” he told the boy. “Just do whatever I tell you to do.”
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. “Get the hammer over there,” he said. “When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard.”
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
Finally, a job
‘I heard you got a call from the Employment Bureau?’
‘Yes, I did get a call last week. I was interviewed.’
‘Did you do well?’
‘Oh, yes. They gave me the job.’
‘Congratulations! But why are you looking glum?’
‘Why? You were without a job for over six months.’
‘The job was of a grass cutter in the Tiger Safari.’
‘The grass was thick and six feet high.’
‘Come on, that’s why they need a cutter.’
‘They had not paid anyone since the State withdrew the funding.’
‘I’m told it’s a very popular tourist spot. The collections must be good. I’m sure they’ll clear the arrears soon.’
‘My predecessor had gone AWOL. Haven’t found him yet.’
‘Good for you, I thought.’
‘The cages – them don’t have latches.’
Credits to funonthenet.in, http://www.ahajokes.com and openclipart.com (Jone/dcatacherex, Johnny_automatic).