Monday Mirth

Child Custody

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama today when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law requiring that family unity be maintained where possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.

When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes, are not capable of beating anyone.

PS: You could substitute in your favourite team and sports.

By George…

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: “GEORGE AND THE DRAGON”.

He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals?” he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. “No!” she said rather sternly.

“Could I have a drink of water?”

“No!” she said again.

“Could I at least sleep in your stable then?”

“NO!” By this time she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond still continued, “Might I please…?”

“What now?” the woman interrupted impatiently.

“D’ye suppose,” he asked…”I might have a word with George?”

Kid’s views on marriage

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids – Derrick, age 8.

What do you think your mum and dad have in common?
Both don’t want any more kids – Lori, age 8.

Is it better to be single or married?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them – Anita, age 9.

How would the world be different if people didn’t get married?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? – Kelvin, age 8.
. .
Soul Food

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. (Edward Abbey)

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. (Dr. Seuss)

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. (Pablo Picasso)

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. (Maya Angelou)

Self-pity is the worst kind of self-indulgence. (Kayaar)

Talent grows its own legs and wings. (Kayaar)

You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts. (Khalil Gibran)

A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires. (Paulo Coelho)

Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a great artist-a master…can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is…and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be…and more than that, he can make anyone…see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply prisoned inside her ruined body. He can make you feel the quiet, endless tragedy that there was never a girl born who ever grew older than eighteen in her heart…no matter what the merciless hours have done to her. (Yes, this is from the SF guru: Robert A. Heinlein!)

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can’t get any better, it can. (Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight)

End

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Sources: Credits to OyiaBrown (http://oyiabrown.com/category/humour/jokes/), another one from Ray Mitchell (raykiwsp.wordpress.com), Rajiv Chaudhry, openclipart.org (ibuteb, professordenis, mathec), brainyquote.com, goodreads.com and Wiki.

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One Response to Monday Mirth

  1. fantastic collection of wit and humour. loved the kid talks- they are something!

    Like

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