Monday Mirth

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Heard in a city office in Louisiana:

“When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana…”
“Tell me.”
“I’d rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”
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Outside a shopping mall in Chandigarh:

Bondhu running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bandhu, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”

Bandhu replied, “Did you see who it was?”

Bondhu answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”
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Baptising an Irishman

An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The kind preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk:

“Are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk shouts, “Yes, OI am.”

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him back and asks, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk replies, “No, OI haven’t found Jesus!”

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, “Have you found Jesus, me brother?”

The drunk answers, “No, OI haven’t found Jesus!”

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again — but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in”?

End .
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Soul Food
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. (Albert Einstein)

Relationship is all about winning and losing: winning trust and losing ego.

Never blame a day in your life. Good days give happiness, and bad days, experience.

Every life is a march from innocence, through temptation, to virtue or vice. (Lyman Abbott)

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. (Zig Ziglar)

End
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Sources: Grateful thanks to Steve (‘A Little Southern Humor’ in Fellowship Of The Minds), public-domain-photos.com, doodleguy (openclipart.org), funfunky.com, amazing-animations.com and brainyquote.com.

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2 Responses to Monday Mirth

  1. hilarious collection, loved the finding jesus one too much 🙂

    Like

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